I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
