so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
