Do vagina's smell?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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