First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
