I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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