Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
