Swine flu. Run for my life!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
