I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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