He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
