I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
