I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
