this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
