we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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