dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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