you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
