Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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