Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
