I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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