Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
