Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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