perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
