Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize