oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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