so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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