She is in my trunk
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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