Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
