so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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