What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize