when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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