If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
