Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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