I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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