Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
