Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
