We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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