At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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