She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize