glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You took a bar mat shot.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
