i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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