I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
