I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
