I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
