hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
