The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
