you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
