Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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