when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
