Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
