What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
