Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
