i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
