My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You did what with his pubic hair?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
