How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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