I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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