508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
