hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
