she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
