you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize