I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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