Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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