Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
