WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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