My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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