She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
